The simplicity of chaos blew through my window last Sunday

Now I'm moving slowly out of necessity. I have rediscovered an indefatigable fascination with time. Faith in the visibility of moments surrounds me. I am looking at darkness as merely an expression of that particular moment. From this place pure confidence and self-respect arise. 

Giselle Mad Scene Libretto, Natalia Osipova version

An auditory signal
Everyone knows something is not as it appears
Perhaps someone
What is happening? Where is how you are? Where is who you told me you are? 
“I’m right here. Of course.” And lying, and plastic. 

I see this. 
And no
I’m soaring
I’m behind appearances where I thought you too were. 
I’m behind appearance
I am now what’s behind

I am behind reality. I’m beneath real
I’m above real. 
I’m not here
I'm not somewhere else either

I de-costume myself starting with my hair. 
I slowly turn my head and walk forward.
Seeing an entire year pass before me. 
Wringing my hands through my hair and possessing a pose for a moment
Muttering to myself everyone sees. 
Clutching my beautiful love. 
Dancing my beautiful love that love that was upward and beyond of reality. Beyond this here. Beyond my smallness
A promise lingers and I see lingers
I am lingering for a moment as you touch me. 
Then my chest remembers the promise of death 
I drag a promise along the tip of the ground and pierce myself
I sear through. Suicidally bound
I fall to the ground and take solace in someone for a moment as they lift me to my feet.
I am seeing beyond. I am seeing beyond. 
I am seeing my mother’s hands in mine.
Distracted by something above, something floating high in a parabolic shape.

It was just a bird.

Ah. Now I dance with a circle of my wrist. 
I turn and do the same dance on the other side, forming a geometry with my legs a coupé that jumps and  travels backward on a diagonal.
I turn and from b-plus tendu pas de cheval step tendu on the other side pas de cheval, step through, hand slides down and points as I speed up on this pastoral slant, a jump that halts me. I almost remembered joy. My hands clutch my chest, wrapping myself. I almost remember what’s not happening. 

Then I devour space, touching everything. Someone tries to collect me. 

I see my mother. I finally. I embrace my mother. I run to the appearance. I fall finally. 

I am finally absent. I fall into absence as the world ends around me. My absence is all I am, it’s all around me. It’s in your embrace. My absence is finally visible. I am complete in this absence. Every demand is met. 

Wait

 Written in collaboration with Angel Zinovieff

24,000 light years away

Seeing 24,000 light years away

Forging 24,000 light years ahead

Large vegetables fall from your one ceiling

Waiting happens to be

Purplish and never accusatory

One body purports an entire existence

Slowly end

One body slowly ends

Another body begins to wait

Forty thousand light years away

forty thousand years of bodily waiting

You want one thing as if a gesture were possible

Body’s wait

Perform waiting

Gymnasium full of waiting

Precious waits

When you beckoned that one time 

Do Not Impress

 You must let people know your vulnerabilities. That you know the causes of and causes of your pain. So that they can see what's true of you and what's afraid of you. In hopes they can distinguish them to see the true you.  Or a true you. 

ONE SHOW

1. 

WHEN YOU HAVE A THOUGHT YOU CAN CHANGE IT

I FELT SHAME ONE TIME

IT'S LIKE BUMPING INTO SOMEONE

2.

––DOES SHE EVER GET UP? 

––I'LL RSVP. 

3.

A PURE SOUL THAT'S SOMETIMES NOT 

INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO ME IN A CHAIR. I WAS SITTING ON A TABLE

4.

YOU EVER FEEL SO EASEFUL, LIKE ONE 

THAT IS FOR TONIGHT ONE THOUSAND?

5.

EVERYONE PEELS OFF EVENTUALLY. DO SOMETHING THAT'S NOT YOURS. BE SOMETHING THAT COULD BE ANYONE. GO OUT ON THE STREET AND BE WILLING TO BE CAUGHT IN THE ACT. EXPRESS OF YOURSELF WHAT YOU DREAM. SOMEONE MAY SHAKE YOUR HAND AND SEAMLESSLY BLEND.

What’s behind me

Biking in Manhattan is not different from throwing yourself toward a metal city made of plastic. A made city appearing 

Lose Everything

"We'll get you there." 

We'll try. 5 minutes to spare. I've been doing this for 17 minutes––years. A fleet of dinosauric beings surround the statue of liberty as Listless you step aboard. Suddenly it feels as if every other moment. No longer hold. Just for today let all negations simply float. Mere in this light. You can only apply sunscreen and step into the sun. Craving all things quiet. A million silent voices singing in a weekly-meeting choir. Vaguely affiliate with anything. "This water," you remember. "This city," you think. These people you love. Just for today. Your anxious, storied hands win awards. You Are Award-Winning. Unconcerned with theme you immerse everything multiple. We love you in your words. Your whimpers on the floor we hear. Your hair belongs in a museum. Don't kill that part of yourself. Buy some Doritos and a beer and lose, alone. Lose everything. Go. Alone. Win, alone. Do it all. We need you. Need us too, alone.