A play that I write

A play that I write

To begin I Googled the definition of "play"

And I am inspired already

From Change Come Other People

1.

I learned Tai Chi from an old Chinese man today. He taught me in a peeling room in the East Village to open my knee at a 45º angle and send energy with constant intention through my wrist and into his. We made figure eights for several minutes, our hands, fingers, and wrists spooling time back and forth in a post-linguistic, post-cultural, (honestly postmodern) exchange. Here’s a poem about that word which also peers back at my question, “How can I have nothing in my dance?” as an inquiry into the intra-conscious experience of non-attachment made possible through the miracle of my body. 

2.

ex- = out of, from; utterly; thoroughly

3.

From change moved an impossible era...

As I try to write a poem about anything other than myself I look around my room. I am noticed by empty tobacco pouch, instant ice pack, dust sweeper, crossbody bag filled with almond dust, dirty socks, used cotton pad, uncapped Aquaphor mini-tube, drying towel, college tote bag, orange-and-grey hype beast jacket, wires, piles of notebooks, a roll of toe tape with a toe spacer propped in the middle. I feel unsure of how to write this poem. I find it easier to search for a place to live. 

4.

Exchange 

ex =

out; outside of."expand"
up and away; upward."extol"
thoroughly."excruciate"
removal or release."excommunicate"
forming verbs expressing inducement of a state."exasperate"
forming nouns (from titles of office, status, etc.) expressing a former state."ex-husband"

5.

poem:

Outside of change fastens inward a lengthy apology
For hurting you that one time I wish to know my mind

I sweat and I sweat and I quickly reddening want more
I peel and I peel and I ever suffering put forth:

I can do impossible things

Like be outside of change 

I have a painful body which requires and forfeits daily
Its changing is all that I have

You wish to reveal the conditions
Find nothing where you thought would be

Poem for Performers

1.

I wonder every day about you. I let you into my precious unpaid dream time––twice. Irreplicable unplaceable implacable untraceable: we send each other over the edge. 

        You make my edges important 

        You give them their definition

        Like language you give me use

        Like meaning you live in my usage

        For the love of god

        You

2.

Improvise your hope aboard secret escape vehicle. Steal your way home. Lie tomorrow. View me truly, laid flat-first in my own dirt. Get on the train reaching for magic like a bully in bed––and be your tormentee laying on a pillowy breath. 

3.

The conversation you have today will not be the conversation you hear tomorrow. 

4.

Don't be mad at your landlord; you live in his house. He lives in our house. They pay my rent. 

5.

Together you lift my eyes toward light-filled globes meandering timelessly on gravity's unresearched stage. We're sold out but come anyway, we'll get everyone in. 

HOW TO IMPROVISE

Empty your core

Hold onto the center

The dissolving center

VERY VULNERABLE

 i’m tired of my life

i’m scared to hear my own voice

i’m scared of here

i’m scared to know i have a voice

i’m afraid of the future

i’m afraid with the future

i’m afraid through the future

i’m afraid in the future

and everywhere

i feel like everywhere is now and here and the future

i think my family hates me

i don’t know which direction is up

i’m afraid of how much i change 

i’m afraid of change

i’m afraid of writer’s block

i’m afraid i’m writer’s block

i hate my moments

i hate my hands

i hate thinking i hate myself

i hate the thought “i hate myself”

i know the answer

i think “i know the answer”

i hate the thought “i know the answer”

i am sorry for everything i’ve done

i’m ready to leave now

not like that

i mean like go live in a monastery or something

i am afraid i’m becoming my mother

i’m afraid i’m stagnating

i’m afraid i’ll never fall in love

i’m afraid this will never change

i’m afraid i’ll always be afraid 

Thinking And Writing In The Future Perfect, Right Now

 I feel this ease. I feel like I don’t need the thing that’s superfluous. I feel at home in my body. For even my wrong choices I’m grateful. Anything is my teacher. I want to make my life glisten with wisdom, muscular from work. I will live in beautiful places and feel real love all around me. I won’t need anything. Everything will be in its place. I don’t need you. I will live earned this life. I will live a glamorous life, to me. I will have worked hard to understand what “impossible” truly means. I will have experimented deeply and inquired at every juncture. I will have folded and imagined. My questions will have made me. 

International women’s day

Everyday in the world today is a day